Here it goes again.

tsaturday
august 28th, 2010

School is starting on Tuesday. I'm both anxious and hesitant to see what the new year will bring. I'm really excited to be with my friends again because I'm having this sudden realization of how much I love everyone as of the last few days. But I'm also sad because I know that two of my best friends won't be there. I'm really looking forward to learning about the exchange student experience from Josie, and the more I hear about it the more I want to do it after senior year. But at the same time, it's going to be really strange without her around. Despite the fact that she infuriates me more often than I would like her to, she's still one of the people I relate to most closely. (Wow, that feels weird to say, because honestly, we don't look like we should have anything in common.) And then, icing on the cake, Maddie has moved away permanently now and that really sucks for me. Aside from Alisha, Maddie was probably the second person I saw the most of besides my family.

But like I was saying, I was reading our notebook from last year and I was like like "What the fuck, I love these people." And really, I mean that, too. Though I'm sure it probably doesn't seem like I really care about all of you that much. I have a really difficult time displaying affection properly. I don't know what it is or why, but I've always been that way. Normal teenage girls can be like "I love you" "I love you too!" and I can't. I feel really awkward about saying "I love you" to anyone that isn't my mom or dad. This includes my sister, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, my closest friends and the boyfriend that I "loved." (Oh middle school.) But to all of you friends that feel neglected my my cold outer shell, I do care about you and I'm going to miss the two of you who are leaving RHS this year.


So yeah. School is kind of intimidating this year. I have a smaller protection ring of friends to shut out everyone that I don't want to talk to, I really have to put my all into it this year because I need to get into Portland University, and it's going to be another year of classes that I don't have with anyone I know. I'm also not sure that I trust myself to keep myself in line and do all my work and study and get good grades, because despite any determination that I hold right now, I know myself too well to put a whole lot of faith in that. I crap out on myself after a semester of good work. So cross your fingers for me, guys.

In other news, I get to go see Blue October live in Bellingham this September! It's really exciting, I've never been to a concert before. My mom bought tickets as an early birthday present for me. It's going to be her, my godmother and I. And it's going to be a blast. I'll make sure to take lots of pictures. (and post them here, of course. 8D)

Anyway, I'm going to make a website for the Ace Gang now.


♥ sloane